How to ask for a referral, with message templates
A referral moves your resume from a pile of hundreds to the top of the stack. Here’s how to ask for one without it feeling like a favor you can’t repay.
Asking for a referral feels like asking for a lot. It usually isn’t. Many companies pay employees a bonus for referrals, most referral forms take five minutes, and people generally like vouching for someone good. The hard part is making the ask easy to say yes to.
The short answer: name the exact role, say why this person in particular can speak to your work, include everything they’ll need in one message (the job link, your resume and a short paragraph about you they can paste), and make it easy to say no. With people who barely know you, start with a conversation, then ask.
Why referrals matter so much#
Popular roles get hundreds of applicants. Eric Posen, who landed a director of product role six weeks after a layoff, put almost all his effort into his network for exactly this reason.
Cold applying is dead. I really think it’s dead. ... Just try to think a bit from the perspective of the hiring manager. If you have five of those candidates and you have four or five referrals, who are you going to prioritize?
From the hiring manager’s side, a referral lowers risk. Ethan Evans, a retired Amazon VP, describes the choice between people you know and people you don’t. Someone vouching for you moves you into the first group.
I have a role. It’s a big important role on my team. I need to hire somebody for it. And I have two choices: people I know and people I don’t. Now, from a risk viewpoint, who am I going to default to? Knowing someone gives such a huge leg up.
Ask for both: the referral and a note to the hiring manager#
Not all referrals are equal. Posen found that the best ones came from people who work directly with the hiring manager and would message them, not just drop his resume into the referral system. A few of those let him skip the recruiter screen.
The most effective referral will be somebody who directly works with the hiring manager. Not just someone who’s going to drop your resume into the ATS referral system, but somebody who will ping the hiring manager on their internal Slack and say, hey, I have a really good fit for this role.
So when your contact knows the hiring manager, ask for both: the formal referral, and a quick personal note. Offer to write the note for them.
What to send with a referral request#
Do the administrative work yourself. Put everything in one message:
- The exact job title and link, plus the requisition number if there is one.
- Your resume, tailored to this role, as a PDF.
- Two or three results that match what the role needs.
- A short paragraph about you, written in the third person, that they can paste into the referral form or a message to the hiring manager.
- Any deadline you know about.
The third-person paragraph is the part most people skip, and it’s the part the referrer actually uses.
“I worked with Jordan for three years at Northstar. Jordan led the operations redesign for our enterprise onboarding, cutting median launch time by 18 days. The Senior Product Operations role looks closely aligned with that work, and I’d recommend a conversation.”
Tell them to edit it so it only says what they personally know. A referral in their words is worth more than your best draft.
Referral request message templates#
Adjust the details, but keep the shape: the exact role, why them, what you’ve attached, and an easy out.
A close friend or former coworker#
“I saw the Design Lead opening at Acme and I’m applying this week. Would you be comfortable referring me? You worked closely with me on the mobile redesign, so you can speak to the research and cross-functional parts of the role. I’ve put the posting, my resume and a short paragraph you can use below. Totally fine to say no.”
A former manager#
“I’m applying for a Director of Operations role at Acme. Since you managed me during the fulfillment expansion, would you be comfortable referring me, or introducing me to the hiring manager? The role centers on multi-site planning and team development, which were the core of our work together. Everything you’d need is below.”
A LinkedIn connection you barely know#
Don’t open with the referral. They can’t vouch for work they’ve never seen, and the ask puts them in an awkward spot. Ask for a short conversation about the team first.
“Hi Priya, we’re connected through the Product Leaders group. I’m looking at the Growth PM role on your team and would love 15 minutes to understand how the team thinks about activation before I apply. Would you be open to a quick call this week or next?”
After a coffee chat or informational interview#
If the conversation went well, ask at the end of the call or in your thank-you note the same day. The informational interview guide covers the call itself.
“Thanks again for the time today. Hearing how the team runs experiments made me even more excited about the Growth PM role. If you feel you know enough about my background after our conversation, would you be comfortable referring me? I’ve attached my resume and a short paragraph you can use. If not, no problem at all, and I really appreciated the advice.”
A good way to get there is Phyl Terry’s “golden question,” asked during the call: If you were in my shoes, how would you approach this? It asks for their judgment rather than an endorsement, and people who give advice often become invested in how it turns out.
People are terrified to do the listening tour... I asked them to ask a golden question: If you were in my shoes, how would you approach this? I call that the golden question. It really opens the conversation.
A stranger at the company#
Ask for advice, never a referral. A referral from someone who has never met you is weak, and asking for one makes you look like you don’t understand how it works. Use the cold outreach approach to get a conversation, then follow the coffee-chat template above.
If they don’t reply#
Follow up once, after three to five business days, especially if there’s a deadline. Then apply anyway. The person isn’t responsible for your application, and many referral systems let them add a referral after you’ve applied.
“Quick follow-up since the posting may close Friday. If you’re comfortable referring me, everything you need is below. If time is tight or you’d rather not, I completely understand and I’ll apply directly today.”
After they refer you#
Tell them what happens: when the company responds, before a big interview, and when the process ends either way. Thank them whatever the outcome. If you track your applications (the job application tracker guide has a template), add a column for who referred you so you remember to close the loop.
A prompt to draft your request#
Help me write a referral request message. The role: [TITLE, COMPANY, LINK] The person I'm asking: [NAME, how I know them, how well they know my work, whether they know the hiring manager] My background: [RESUME OR SUMMARY] The 2–3 results most relevant to this role: [LIST] Write: 1. A short message asking for the referral (under 120 words). Name the role, say why this person specifically can speak to my work, mention what I've attached, and make it easy to say no. 2. If they know the hiring manager, one sentence asking whether they'd also send a quick personal note, plus that note (under 60 words, in their voice). 3. A third-person paragraph about me (under 70 words) they can paste into the referral form. Only use facts I gave you. 4. A two-sentence follow-up for if I hear nothing in four business days. Warm, plain and specific. No flattery, no "I hope this finds you well."
Questions people ask#
Is it OK to ask for a referral?#
Yes. Many companies pay referral bonuses, and most people are glad to help someone they think is good. Make it easy to decline and nobody will hold the ask against you.
How do you ask someone to refer you for a job?#
Name the exact role, say why they in particular can speak to your work, and send everything they’ll need in one message: the link, your resume and a paragraph about you they can paste. With weak ties, have a conversation first.
How to ask for a referral on LinkedIn from a stranger?#
Don’t ask a stranger for a referral directly. Ask for 15 minutes of advice about the team or role. If the conversation goes well, ask for the referral at the end or in your thank-you note.
Should I apply before or after asking for a referral?#
Ask first if you have time, because some referral systems work best before you apply. If the deadline is close, apply anyway and let them add the referral afterwards.
What if the referral doesn’t lead to an interview?#
Thank them anyway and keep them posted on your search. Referrals improve your odds; they don’t guarantee anything, and the relationship matters more than any single application. Once you’re past the referral, the next hurdle is the recruiter screen and the salary question.